Grow Along Week 4
"dust yourself off and try again" ...with gentleness and curiosity
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Greetings from my comfy chair and a half by my sunny bedroom windowsill. I can hear birdsong outside my window, cat meows within, and the bare branches on the tree just outside are swaying in the wind. Where are you reading this today?
If you’ve been here for even a short while, you know that I am very committed Swiftie, and you know that I cling dearly to Taylor’s lyrics from Lover, “This is our place, we make the rules.”
You probably have also noticed that I am not one of those people who schedules posts in advance. I think about my content in advance, but the actual writing is usually done the day before or day of. It’s just how my brain works, and how I feel I do my best work. That also means sometimes a post is later than I intended, like this one. This week I’ve had to throw heaps of gentleness at myself during a particularly rough patch with my mental health, and part of that was to delay this post for you all. As we’ve said all along - this is our place, we make the rules, so all is good here. I hope you’ve been gentle toward yourself this week, too.
I’d love to know: how are you doing? How are you growing? Please leave a comment or reply by email. I’d love to know how your seeds are coming along, and what is growing - or struggling - within your spirit, too.
As for me, I must confess that I…. did not water my seedlings enough and they became very, very sad.
Ha ha ha, the host of a grow along, not watering her plants, not planting new ones, not sharing bold, catchy, inspiring posts about all the things we can do and accomplish on our patios this year.
Instead I’m reflecting on the fact that sometimes things do not go according to plan. Sometimes we simply forget. Sometimes our seeds do not germinate. And sometimes…. we lose motivation for our commitments.
What I’m noticing during this grow along is that messing up, trying again, and sticking with something long after the novelty fades is a spiritual discipline all in its own. And God is present in between the waves of our motivation, discipline, lethargy, and excitement.
I’m remembering it says more about our faith even when we don’t have an energized feeling for it than it does for us to have an unshakeable faith that never falters. (To be honest, I am pretty skeptical of people whose faith is unshakeable. I think Jesus’s message should shake us up sometimes, if not a lot of the time.)
I’m holding onto the truth that integrity is not found in completing all the things, but about moving through our commitments with honesty with ourselves and others along the way.
So my honest truth is that I am losing steam for growing things. I want to get to the finished result already. I want a jungle on my tiny patio. I want my plants to grow without my help.
Of course that is not possible, so after feeling sad about my plants I watered them without a lot of hope about the results. But you know what? Most of them perked up pretty well by the end of the day. I suppose a little bit of water was enough. Not a deluge. Just enough.
Just enough.
I’ve also been thinking about the parable of the sower. Are you familiar with it?
Luke 8:1-15 - The Parable of the Sower
After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means. [Hello, women involved in ministry alongside Jesus and the disciples, supporting them out of your own means. We see you, we name you, we give thanks for you.]
While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up. Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”
When he said this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
His disciples asked him what this parable meant. He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,
“‘though seeing, they may not see;
though hearing, they may not understand.’“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.
This is one of the rare parables for which Jesus provides an explanation. The seed is the word of God. The seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart. There is certainly enough there for me to ponder, but I have to admit I have more questions than these verses provide answers for. I want more from this metaphor.
Did even a couple of seeds that fell on the path or the rocky ground or the thorns grow up? I know it’s unlikely, and not ideal, but surely some where resilient enough in those conditions to surprise and delight passersby? What if the seed had a true and noble heart but at no fault of its own was left to grow in poor conditions? The harvest may not have made a single loaf of bread, but I’d like to know if even a single stalk of wheat survived seemingly impossible conditions, and if that is somehow an image of the Kingdom of heaven too.
What about the seed that fell on good soil… would it still grow and lead to a good harvest if the farmer neglected them for a little while? Was it totally reliant on someone else, or did it have the strength within itself to manage even when ignored?
Did the farmer have help? Who harvested all of those seeds? Did they sing while they worked?
I’m not here to make meaning of this story for you. I’m simply sharing it with you because it’s been on my mind, and we are growing seeds together after all. I wonder what this parable means to you?
My takeaway for this week’s grow along, and this stage of our journey toward the cross during Lent is this:
The cross does not require us to hustle. The cross does not create shame. The cross does not demand happy feelings and motivation to receive the redemption offered there.
The cross welcomes questions. The cross invokes mystery. The cross is not threatened by curiosity. The cross makes room for us. The salvation offered on the cross does not expire, and instead invites us to keep striving and begin anew. The cross offers a harvest beyond our imagination.
I will plant new seeds this week and do my best to keep my existing ones going. I will look to our last frost date with excitement and hope to plant out the cathedral bells which I hope will climb the fence. I will forget to water my plants, and I will try again. I believe some of them will be resilient enough to thrive despite my own lack of attention.
Therapist and author Aundi Kolber wrote a book called Try Softer in which she invites us to a way of gentleness instead of a way marked by hustle. She says,
“Trying softer doesn’t mean we’re not trying. In fact it means that we’re just paying closer attention to what we can actually do, and because we’re giving ourselves that attention, so often we’re actually much more resilient and effective for the long term.”
Let’s try it, yeah? Where do you need to try softer this week? I will be trying softer with curiosity and gentleness alongside you.
As we inch ever closer to Christ’s death, we also inch closer to Christ’s resurrection. Thanks be to God.
With gratitude,
Janette