Anticipating with intent
Our time spent waiting is not in vain
Well, as it turns out, my Advent aspirations were a bit ambitious.
My all or nothing brain wants me to think missing a day, or skipping a reading, or forgetting to light our candles at dinner means the whole endeavor is a waste, but I’m trying to practice seeing those as little touchpoints, enough to offer some nourishment that fine tunes my attention. Perhaps practicing anything is more effective with gentle realignments over time rather than overcorrection that shocks the system.
What has stuck every single day? My tea advent calendar from Aldi. I feel childlike when I open it each morning, except for day three which had NO TEA WHATSOEVER. At first glance, a cup of tea doesn’t seem like the most pious way to enter the mystery of Christmas. Then again, what is tea if not something that encourages us to slow down as we brew and steep it, then take sips as the steam rises from the mug? Those quite moments, often in the stillness of these December mornings, are a practice of presence in their own right.
I’ve also set up a family friendly Christmas puzzle on my desk and hope my children will indulge me in working on it together, fulfilling at least one of my romantic notions for the season.
This is another Friday when I’m working instead of not, down to the fact that I have class this weekend. I’m taking Environmental Mission, the seventh class toward the ten I need for my Anglican Studies certificate. I’m delighted to share that I have been notified that my Bishop intends to ordain me. God willing and the people consent, I will be ordained to the sacred order of deacons in the Episcopal Church in January of next year!1 If you would like to know the date and time to attend or watch online, I would be happy to share.
As is often said of parenthood, the days of this season of discernment and preparation have been long and the years have been short. We moved to Kansas City almost five years ago, and I knew in anticipation of the move that I would need to relinquish my credentials as an ordained clergyperson in the Church of the Nazarene when we arrived back stateside. Returning to the Nazarene tradition in the early months of our time here, after our five years in the Anglican tradition in England, felt like putting on a coat that was too small. It wasn’t a bad coat, but it didn’t fit me anymore. I really tried to wear it, but all the markers of a bad fit were there, and I knew I had to let it go.
Fast forward to conversations with my lovely, supportive rector here, and a bit more fast forwarding to conversations with the Bishop, diocesan committees, peers, and mentors, I found myself in discernment for ordination as an Episcopal priest. The road ahead looked like it would take forever, and I worried about the impact these in between years would have on my work as a chaplain and my hopes for the future.
Joke’s on me, because these years have nourished me in ways I could not have anticipated. I am ever so grateful to now be in a place where I can look back to see this time hasn’t been some vast wasteland that kept me from what I wanted or needed for myself and my family. Contrary to my fears, this intermediate season has been one of encouragement, friendship, and formation as my call to ministry has been strengthened and even expanded by the Episcopal tradition and those I’ve met here. I am so glad for the good counsel and support I received that enabled me to rest in the process rather than rush it.
So much of our lives are spent in these in between places. We are often in a state of waiting - for a new job, a new home, a completed training program, a change in our relationships, or even just for the minutia of our days to transpire so that we can get onto the next thing. If we wait for these things to end or change, we would miss out on a lot.
The ever wise Mary Oliver said,
Things take the time they take.
Don’t worry.
How many roads did St. Augustine follow before he became St. Augustine?
The way we inhabit the waiting is itself a formational task. Our posture provides all we need to be people of hope along the way. We need not wait on the end or the accomplishment or the milestone or the definitive end or beginning to be who we feel we ought to be. We can do that now, trusting that there is good even here, especially here.
Thanks be to God.
If you would like to reflect on your own in between season:
Consider the last few weeks. Where have you sensed the Divine?
Who has encouraged or nurtured you as you wait?
What have you learned about yourself?
How has this brought out the best in you?
I’m enjoying a whipped honey dulce latte from 1888 Coffee in Hyde Park, Kansas City this morning. It is so charmingly decorated for Christmas and they served my latte in a vintage Polar Express mug. What’s not to love? This is one of the coffee shops on my rotation that is especially close to home, and we love coming here. Come see me in Kansas City and I’ll pick a coffee shop just for you. 😘
The third Sunday of Advent, this coming Sunday, is known as Guadete Sunday. Gaudete (gow-day-tay) is the latin word for rejoice, and it’s a reminder that even in seasons of waiting there is joy. As we wait, we hold onto hope, rejoicing that our anticipation is not in vain. The Lord is so near.
I wish you all Gaudete joy as you endure the wait,
Janette
From the archives…
In the Episcopal tradition, people discerning to become priests must first be ordained as a deacon for a minimum period of six months. As a candidate for ordination to the priesthood, this means I will have, God willing and the people consent, a second ordination later in 2026.