Spirituality is an ongoing piece of work
Book Club: ATGIB Chs 10-22
title quote by Dr. Rebecca Nye
Dear friends,
How are you keeping? I sincerely missed being with you all last week, and I appreciate your support and grace in my sudden absence! We found out early last week that we’ll be moving internationally in a matter of about 40 days, and we needed to set some things in motion straight away. This took up most of the hours I usually spend working on Viriditas. With an awareness that there is still a lot of work ahead to mange this move I’ve asked some friends to help with a few of these book club posts, and I’m really looking forward to reading how they’ll lead us in conversation on those weeks.
Wow. This story is a beautifully written heart breaker, isn’t it? One of the things we’ve been discussing the comments is what it means to care for people with an awareness of our limits. We’ve got some fiercely protective feelings for Francie, and yet because it’s a fictional story, there’s little we can do with that. And we’re talking about how that translates into real life: How do we nurture people and relationships when we may not see them to completion? What does it mean to speak into someone’s life for a time, and then to let them go? In my work as a chaplain, I’ve found this easier when I truly believe God will continue putting people in their path to care for them. But I have to admit my faith is not always as strong as my ego, and that the two often get conflated.
I wonder if you met Francie, how would you nurture her? If you were her teacher, or a shop owner, or an Aunt - what does she need, and what aspects of her spirituality do you think need nurturing?
For me, these chapters have really highlighted how Francie’s environment nurtures and hinders her spirituality and formation as a person. Her home, the neighbourhood, and her school are all two sided coins. One one hand, she feels a sense of belonging in each, and yet on the other, there’s always something or someone that challenges that notion for Francie.
I notice that she cries when the girl beating the erasers spits in her face, and she cries when her Papa plays the piano and sings, seemingly moved by her Papa’s own spiritual expressions. The common denominator in these experiences seems to be relationship and belonging. Francie so desperately wants to receive the love she gives to others. I can really resonate with the depth of pain Smith conveys in these words.
In Children’s Spirituality, Rebecca Nye provides a tool with which you can evaluate how well a child’s spirituality is being supported (ch 4). The tool can be employed in a variety of settings like church, school, home, after school clubs, etc. I’ll share it here, and maybe in the comments we can explore where we do and don’t see these things being provided for Francie. The tool is captured in the acrostic SPIRIT.
Space - Where are Francie’s ‘sacred spaces’, if any? And what are some spaces that you think hinder her relationship to herself, others, the environment, and the transcendent? What about Francie’s home or school conveys intention and that she matters? And what about it suggests she doesn’t? (ie: What does it say to children that the school district is willing to cram so many children into it, and that she has to share a desk?)
Process - “Spirituality is an ongoing piece of work, not something to be completed or get prizes for. […] Childhood deserves to be treated as a process rather than a production line for delivering adults, or Christians” (Nye, ch 4). Are there spaces in which Francie is free to simply be herself without any expectation of what she will do, produce, or become?
Imagination - Does Francie have any people or places in her life that affirm her creativity, imagination, and embracing of mystery and wonder?
Relationship - If spirituality is, at its heart, connection, then Francie needs functional relationships in which she feels valued in order for her spirituality to be nurtured. Who values Francie? Who doesn’t? What implications does this have?
Intimacy - “Much of spirituality is about a sense of ‘coming closer’ to things. […] Spirituality thrives on intimacy, it seizes opportunities to come closer, delve deeper, take risks, and pursue passions” (Nye, ch 4). This is something that is built over time, certainly. I wonder if you see it developing anywhere in the story so far.
Trust - Trust isn’t something that can be as easily measured as the other categories. Is there anyone in Francie’s life that trusts her, or that she feels she can trust? And what is trust? Nye emphasizes that trust is especially evident in the way adults view their own roles in relation to children. Are they controlling and authoritative, which undermines trust, or are they open and willing to be wrong for the sake of getting it right?
And, if you’d like, you are very welcome to share in the comments where you did or didn’t experience these things yourself when you were a child. Can you identify any strengths or gaps in your own childhood, and do you see or feel some of the impact of that in your adult life?
I have no expectation whatsoever that you answer all of the questions I’ve posed here! I’ve simply thrown out some of my ideas as I’ve read, and tried to connect them with some of the emerging themes. I’d be curious to hear if any of these questions grab at you and what you’re noticing about Francie’s ongoing sense of self, others, her environment, and the transcendent in her life.
Maybe you’d like to pick one element of the SPIRIT tool to comment on, or maybe a scene from this week’s reading has been sitting with you and you’d like to open up discussion around that. Maybe you want to share what it’s bringing up for you in your own life from your childhood, parenting, or work with children.
This is our place, we make the rules, and you can use the comment space however you need it this week.
I look forward to chatting with you! I’ll share some more of my thoughts on specific scenes from these chapters in the comments.
See you there,
Janette x
PS: Do you know someone who might benefit from these conversations on how to nurture a child’s spirituality? This email is shareable, so please forward to anyone who you think would value using the SPIRIT tool in their own setting!
I ended up listening to most of these chapters in the car and therefore did not take notes, but here's a couple of things that stood out to me.
When Francie starts school, and Smith goes into the ways the children would be cruel to each other (ex: the lice lineup), she makes a note that no one learned from this cruelty; if they were spared the next week, they'd join in the name-calling. I wonder which section this would fall under with SPIRIT, maybe intimacy and/or process? If the adults/teachers cared to correct, they could've in this context, but they also scorned the children and played favorites. It seems the children were constantly subconsciously vying for the attention of adults that would keep them safe, and maybe that's what kept them in this competitive atmosphere.
From Francie's viewpoint, how can Aunt Sissy be bad, when she is able to meet her needs in a specific way in which her parents are able? I cheered for Sissy when she threatens that teacher as she advocates for Francie.
The scene in which Francie gets her vaccine is gutting. There is absolutely nothing that nurtures her - space, process, imagination, relationship, intimacy, or trust. And yet, I'm amazed by her resolve and ability to speak to the doctor the way she did to put him in his place. She has had to do so much nurturing of her spirituality on her own, and while it's really promising to see how her own grit helps her overcome her circumstances, it's hard not to wonder how much further she could go if she was able to be a child for just a little longer than she was.
I also felt a sense of connection with Francie and her first experience of infinity with the lichee nuts. I remember as a child imagining an imagine of a road going down the middle, between two grassy hills, and I couldn't see the end of the road. I remember feeling a little frightened by the idea of infinity, and even not liking the idea of heaven for this reason.
And as far as some of my own experiences as a child, and where I felt most nurtured and where I didn't... I'd have to say that 'space' was something I never lacked, but trust in grownups was an area of struggle. I can remember being reprimanded at a church event for children, when I was about 10, for being too loud. The pastor's wife took me by the arm and shushed me in front of everyone. I felt so much shame, and I can see how that's one encounter that's shaped my own myth of feeling like I am 'too much' when I have a lot to say. Actually, creating Viriditas was a direct action to challenge that thinking in myself.