I really appreciated Hannah’s reflections this week. Having met her on a few occasions, I knew she was a wonderful person, but I did not know she was also an articulate writer.
As I read these chapters, I was reminded how thankful I am to not be actively living through adolescence. So, many tough life lessons take place during this time. I think one of my most difficult times during adolescence was my senior year of high school. My dad decided we needed to transition away from Alaska where I had spent all of my high school years to that point. He was unaware of the vast differences in graduation requirements state to state here in the U.S. We moved to a town in Illinois and by the time you are a senior most kids have pretty well established their peers and especially here, we’re not interested in the new girl from Alaska. It was very lonely, and I was behind on various Illinois graduation requirements despite having taken a vigorous college prep course load my first three years. Additionally, we were living in a dirty, cheap apartment complex that smelled because that is what we could afford while my dad finished college (finally). All that to say, I was feeling pretty defeated, weary and lonely. However, during that time, my mom really became a true best friend. She did lots of small things to help fill the gaps I was experiencing. She encouraged me; she grieved with me. She transitioned from being just my mom to being a true friend when I needed one desperately.
I also appreciated Hannah’s reminder to give ourselves grace as parents. It is a regular theme that is spoken to me from friends who speak truth in my life. I so desperately want to parent perfectly and the reality is, that is just impossible. I am not a Pinterest mom or even a lot of times, a fun mom. But I hope that my kids see daily that I fight for their well being, and I am here for them. I hope I recognize and offer aftercare when they experience tough adolescent issues. I hope I make what matters to them important to me.
Thank you for your kind words, Heather! And I appreciate you sharing about your most difficult time in adolescence. A transition like that so late in high school sounds like a very tough adjustment. It sounds like your mom really saw you and how difficult it was for you; I'm so glad she could be there for you.
"I hope I make what matters to them important to me." I love this. I'm not a mother at the moment, but I know this made all of the difference when it came to my own parents in my adolescence. They listened to my hopes and dreams, cheered me on when I succeeded, and comforted me when I failed. But I've got to say, perfect parenting is a myth, and it sounds like your kiddos (who I'm sure would bewilder me with how OLD they've gotten since I last saw them) have quite the mother in their corner (and how lucky they are!)
I can't say when I noticed the shift exactly, but when I read the chapter about Christmas and Francie and Neely's reminiscing, I remember thinking about my own experience with Christmas. I remember being in 5th grade, I believe (because I picked out a sparkly lime green and baby blue cable knit sweater and matching baby blue glittery pants from Limited Too), when the knowledge of Santa Claus was finally discussed out loud in front of me by an adult (I know, that does seem a bit late, I'm thinking the same thing, haha). I was wrapping gifts with my much older cousin, and when I asked from whom the gifts were in order to write it down on the gift tags, he said to put Santa Claus. At this point, my family and parents still put Santa Claus as the gift-giver for many of our gifts. I remember thinking something like, "Wow, so this is what's like on the other side. Not a fan."
I am of the generation that watched the events of 9/11 take place in real time. It was 6th grade for me. This coincided with my parents separation and subsequent divorce, along with an accident that forced my orthodontist to install brackets on only one half of my top teeth. I felt everything deeply (still do), and while I cringe to read my journal entries from that time period, I'm glad I felt able to feel and express what was going on in my life (even if only privately). My friends and community were all deeply religious, and it felt impossible to truly share with even some of my closest friends what was going on in my life. I'm extremely thankful for a couple of teachers who opened their ears and hearts to my woes at the time--they provided a safe space for me, and for that I'm thankful.
Teachers are so underrated, aren't they? I have heard so many stories about teachers who filled roles far beyond educator. I'm glad that you had them for support during what sounds like a very difficult time for you personally. Also, I am saddened to hear that the church was not a safe place for you to grieve. I hear this frequently from a lot of different people, and I have experienced that myself. I am not anti-church by any means, but I am keenly aware of the shortcomings of the church congregation.
I agree 100% with Heather... Hannah, you sure have a way with words and reflections.
Janette, along with your help this week, sure is creating some great material for the internet (which could do with a bit of sprucing up).
"Can we also give Katie an A+ for sex education?" YES, WE CAN. I was so happy that Francie wasn't as lost as the other children in the neighborhood. It feels like a win amongst all the setbacks she faces.
I was cringing when the doctor told Francie's parents to tell her it was a just a dream. But, after reading your reflecitons about her parents' "aftercare", prior to the doctor's, I backtracked a bit. It's true. They listened. They removed the immediate fear she was experiencing (the 'dirty' part on her leg that became the 'burnt' part on her leg). I think that kind of reassurance, no matter how crazy the rationale is, was the most important thing at the time. Who knows, if her dad hadn't 'burned off the man's touch' it may have turned into a capital-T trauma as your friend calls it. Another win for Francie amongst all she has on her plate!
I really appreciated Hannah’s reflections this week. Having met her on a few occasions, I knew she was a wonderful person, but I did not know she was also an articulate writer.
As I read these chapters, I was reminded how thankful I am to not be actively living through adolescence. So, many tough life lessons take place during this time. I think one of my most difficult times during adolescence was my senior year of high school. My dad decided we needed to transition away from Alaska where I had spent all of my high school years to that point. He was unaware of the vast differences in graduation requirements state to state here in the U.S. We moved to a town in Illinois and by the time you are a senior most kids have pretty well established their peers and especially here, we’re not interested in the new girl from Alaska. It was very lonely, and I was behind on various Illinois graduation requirements despite having taken a vigorous college prep course load my first three years. Additionally, we were living in a dirty, cheap apartment complex that smelled because that is what we could afford while my dad finished college (finally). All that to say, I was feeling pretty defeated, weary and lonely. However, during that time, my mom really became a true best friend. She did lots of small things to help fill the gaps I was experiencing. She encouraged me; she grieved with me. She transitioned from being just my mom to being a true friend when I needed one desperately.
I also appreciated Hannah’s reminder to give ourselves grace as parents. It is a regular theme that is spoken to me from friends who speak truth in my life. I so desperately want to parent perfectly and the reality is, that is just impossible. I am not a Pinterest mom or even a lot of times, a fun mom. But I hope that my kids see daily that I fight for their well being, and I am here for them. I hope I recognize and offer aftercare when they experience tough adolescent issues. I hope I make what matters to them important to me.
Thank you for your kind words, Heather! And I appreciate you sharing about your most difficult time in adolescence. A transition like that so late in high school sounds like a very tough adjustment. It sounds like your mom really saw you and how difficult it was for you; I'm so glad she could be there for you.
"I hope I make what matters to them important to me." I love this. I'm not a mother at the moment, but I know this made all of the difference when it came to my own parents in my adolescence. They listened to my hopes and dreams, cheered me on when I succeeded, and comforted me when I failed. But I've got to say, perfect parenting is a myth, and it sounds like your kiddos (who I'm sure would bewilder me with how OLD they've gotten since I last saw them) have quite the mother in their corner (and how lucky they are!)
I can't say when I noticed the shift exactly, but when I read the chapter about Christmas and Francie and Neely's reminiscing, I remember thinking about my own experience with Christmas. I remember being in 5th grade, I believe (because I picked out a sparkly lime green and baby blue cable knit sweater and matching baby blue glittery pants from Limited Too), when the knowledge of Santa Claus was finally discussed out loud in front of me by an adult (I know, that does seem a bit late, I'm thinking the same thing, haha). I was wrapping gifts with my much older cousin, and when I asked from whom the gifts were in order to write it down on the gift tags, he said to put Santa Claus. At this point, my family and parents still put Santa Claus as the gift-giver for many of our gifts. I remember thinking something like, "Wow, so this is what's like on the other side. Not a fan."
I am of the generation that watched the events of 9/11 take place in real time. It was 6th grade for me. This coincided with my parents separation and subsequent divorce, along with an accident that forced my orthodontist to install brackets on only one half of my top teeth. I felt everything deeply (still do), and while I cringe to read my journal entries from that time period, I'm glad I felt able to feel and express what was going on in my life (even if only privately). My friends and community were all deeply religious, and it felt impossible to truly share with even some of my closest friends what was going on in my life. I'm extremely thankful for a couple of teachers who opened their ears and hearts to my woes at the time--they provided a safe space for me, and for that I'm thankful.
Teachers are so underrated, aren't they? I have heard so many stories about teachers who filled roles far beyond educator. I'm glad that you had them for support during what sounds like a very difficult time for you personally. Also, I am saddened to hear that the church was not a safe place for you to grieve. I hear this frequently from a lot of different people, and I have experienced that myself. I am not anti-church by any means, but I am keenly aware of the shortcomings of the church congregation.
I agree 100% with Heather... Hannah, you sure have a way with words and reflections.
Janette, along with your help this week, sure is creating some great material for the internet (which could do with a bit of sprucing up).
"Can we also give Katie an A+ for sex education?" YES, WE CAN. I was so happy that Francie wasn't as lost as the other children in the neighborhood. It feels like a win amongst all the setbacks she faces.
I was cringing when the doctor told Francie's parents to tell her it was a just a dream. But, after reading your reflecitons about her parents' "aftercare", prior to the doctor's, I backtracked a bit. It's true. They listened. They removed the immediate fear she was experiencing (the 'dirty' part on her leg that became the 'burnt' part on her leg). I think that kind of reassurance, no matter how crazy the rationale is, was the most important thing at the time. Who knows, if her dad hadn't 'burned off the man's touch' it may have turned into a capital-T trauma as your friend calls it. Another win for Francie amongst all she has on her plate!